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What’s Next?

October 1, 2013

When was the last time you had a perfect day?  Have you ever had a perfect day?  I’m talking from the moment you opened your eyes in the morning, to the time you closed them and went to bed at night.  Have you ever been able to point to one day and say, “During every moment that day, I was perfectly content and didn’t want for anything.”  And maybe not just want there to be more, but think that there should be more in a day, maybe more accomplished or achieved or just feel like something is missing.  I think this summer I had a perfect day, and I think I’ve been mourning its loss ever since.  I’ve been fumbling around waiting for it to reappear, when it’s behind me and I can’t turn around.

 

In a meeting last week, I realized that I’m often looking for ‘the next thing.’  I look for what’s fun, how I can be around the most people, how to network, and the best way to use my time.  I feel weird sitting doing ‘nothing,’ and not giving away every minute of my time to either work, ministry, or friends.  So when I had my perfect day this summer, I was blown away at how incredible it felt to sit in the contentment of being present and moving along from one thing to the next.

 

I’m realizing that I’m tired of looking for the ‘next thing’, because it’s already here.  After reading some of Oswald Chambers’ words this past weekend, I realized that my desire for having ‘the perfect day every day,’ is an issue between my head and heart.  It’s not about what happens in a day, it’s about how I live every day.  My purpose and calling in life allow me to have the perfect day every day, but my head and heart won’t let me have it.  My head and my heart lie to me and tell me that I have failed in so many ways, when really, I have already succeeded.

~

I’ve been thinking a lot about living the Nun Life, and I think it involves far more solitude and loneliness than I care for.  I think that solitude and loneliness are thought of in a bad way.  I think the solitude and loneliness that I’m in right now are leading me to a place where I’m realizing that there’s so much more that I can have than what I’m taking advantage of.  This post is a little vague, partly to protect my heart.  Living the Nun Life is more challenging than I thought it would be.  At the end of the day, I need to stop settling for anything less than the success that has already been achieved for me, in The Cross.

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