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How to Measure a Year

June 8, 2013

The year isn’t even half over and I’ve already been on tons of trips.  I’ve taken lots of pictures.  I’ve been to more rock concerts than in my whole life.  I’ve seen a few action movies.  I’ve worked four jobs. I’ve flown to Florida, St. Louis, and Boston.  I’ve driven to Pennsylvania three times, Maine once, Atalanta once, and countless places in Virginia.  I’ve run a 5K.  I’ve started teaching private violin and viola lessons.  I’ve read a couple books.  I’ve hung out with my roommate. I’ve fed a baby goat.  I’ve been to three weddings.

And the year isn’t even half over.  I still have more pictures to take.  I still have more rock concerts to go to.  I still have more action movies I want to see.  I still have a new job I’m starting in July.  I still have more places I’m going to fly to.  I still have lots of places I’m going to drive to.  I still want to run another 5K, or maybe even a 10K.  I still want to teach more students the violin and viola.  I still have tons of books I want to read.  I still want to hang out with my roommate.  I still want to feed other animals.  I still have at least two weddings to attend.

The year isn’t even half over and I don’t know how to keep track of everything I’ve been learning.  I used to think that the more I did and the more people I talked to, the more meaning my life would have.  I used to think that if I could show people that they mattered, my life would matter.  I used to think that if I never said no, people would see how much I cared.

And the year isn’t even half over. I’ve been learning that talking to less people for longer means more to people.  I’ve been learning that all the desires of my heart have been met.  I’ve been learning that it’s OK to say no.

The year isn’t even half over.

This post feels like a take on the song ‘Seasons of Love’ from Rent.  How do you measure a year?  In cups of coffee?  In miles?  In strife?  No.  You measure a year in love.  You measure your life in love.

Earlier this year at the Jubilee conference (that I wrote about earlier), I got to meet and hear Bob Goff speak. Bob’s book, “Love Does,” is an explication of how love isn’t an emotion – it’s a decision.  This past weekend with my friend Lanae, I listened to a pastor give a sermon at a wedding about the same idea.  Love is not a feeling.  Feelings and emotions come and go, but deciding to do something, that’s different.  Deciding to love someone is hard. Deciding to follow through with something you don’t want to, but that you know is right, is hard. But ultimately choosing love is what’s right.  So I want to measure my year in love from now on.  Not just how I love people or how people love me, but how I see God loving me.

I’ve spent countless hours and days feeling unfulfilled in so many ways, when all the needs of my heart have been met.  Before a rehearsal the other night I was reminded of it, and felt like I still couldn’t wrap my head around it.  I have a need for absolutely nothing.  I have everything I could need or want.  So why isn’t that enough?  Why am I choosing less than I deserve?  Why am I choosing something less than the love I deserve?  Possibly because I don’t think the love I deserve is there.  Maybe because sometimes it’s easier to settle.

I don’t want to settle.  I don’t want to settle for anything less than love.  I don’t want to settle for anything less than the joy that I know I can have in my life.  Even when things are hard, there is always joy.  How do you live your joy in love?

Trying to live a #nunlife in love. 

Being silly in PA at the wedding

Being silly in PA at the wedding

One Comment leave one →
  1. Ann Panhorst permalink
    June 8, 2013 10:19 pm

    What a beautiful dress! Paragraph 7 is very well said and true.

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